Review : Milenge Milenge

Milenge Milenge

Director : Satish Kaushik

Writer : Shiraz Ahmed

Music : Himesh Reshammiya

Cast : Shahid Kapoor, Kareena Kapoor, Sarfaraz Ahmed, Delnaz Paul

What goes for the film : Possibly the last screen appearance of the Shahid-Kareena pair.

What goes against the audience : A failed attempt at an absurd wave classic.

Cinemaa Opinion : Some horrors can’t be contained by time. This is one of them. Scroll down for a detailed review.

Destiny’s Child, a cacophonic symphony

The film announces its intentions in its very first second with a loud aalap. Plug in the cotton cause this is going to be high decibel melodrama. The promise is restated in the credits, with the last four names (Himesh Reshammiya, Shiraz Ahmed, Boney Kapoor & Satish Kaushik) being strong enough to outshout the tower of Babel. The first half an hour is a pleasant surprise, with a low volume and breezy pace. But from then on, the expected cacophony takes over, and the film keeps up on the promise with an unrelenting assault on the audience’s eardrums & nerve cells. Makes one wonder if some things are best kept sleeping.

Milenge Milenge is about a BGM (Bhartiya naari Goes Mod…albeit only with her wardrobe) and a romcom equivalent of the much maligned Rancho from 3 Idiots. BGM (Kareena, in a surprising positive size look) is straight out of the Boney Kapoor films of the 90′s (Sirf Tum and the couple of Anil Kapoor starrers with names longer than a mile), though she has gone in for a wardrobe makeover to suit the new millenium. She wants to marry Mr.Right (he shouldn’t smoke, shouldn’t drink and shouldn’t lie); have two kids and be a contented housewife. A tarot reader (Kiron Kher, the usual benign aunty look) introduces her to the film’s main character (Destiny) and tells her that a meeting with Mr.Right is just a week away, though there are several interesting “obstacles” on the way. In steps the Sultan of twists and turns, writer Shiraz Ahmed (someone please recommend him for the Booker) with the right remedy for each “obstacle”. So, as predicted, BGM meets Romcom Rancho (Shahid Kapoor, I’ll-keep-on-smiling-even-if-spanked-hard look) and sparks fly. There are some mildly humourous escapades and some explosive chemistry between the two as they have fun in Bangkok.

The fun is short-lived though, both for the couple and  the audience as fault lines develop & BGM dumps Romcom Rancho. Destiny makes a strong comeback through Shiraz Ahmed’s superficial machinations with the script of the John Cusack starrer, Serendipity. Satish Kaushik’s trademark melodrama fits in firmly into the driving seat. Himesh takes on a moderator’s role, reminding everyone that something’s still missing and both Destiny & Melodrama battle each other for supremacy in loudness. The intermission comes in as a nice respite from the beating. Post interval (3 Years later), Romcom Rancho is no longer a Rancho equivalent and BGM is no longer mod. He, still madly in love with her, has turned into a walking statue with a half-smile. She, confused as ever, has rejected a suitor six times and suddenly accepts when he proposes the seventh time. And just when one thinks that he’s seen the last of Destiny, it makes a comeback by making both want to be with each other once again. Himesh sets off a second reminder that something’s missing and its back to the battle left unfinished from the first half. And the viewer is left to endure an agonising wait for a predictable end.

With the potential the names associated with it brought in, this could have well ended up as another trump card from Bollywood’s Absurd Wave. Alas, though Kaushik & Ahmed try hard, all they end up with is a shoddy, dated and mostly unwatchable product. The only siver lining is the few minutes of youthful romance between Shahid and Kareena. But that alone doesn’t make up for the two hours wasted. While walking out, I couldn’t help but go Tacky tacky…Tacky tacky in the unforgettable style of the evergreen Crime Master Gogo.

P.S. : Random musings on Milenge Milenge.

Q – What would’ve the film been named had it released in 2014?
A – Milenge Milenge Milenge

Q – Why did Milenge Milenge stay in the bin for seven years?
A – Destiny. Seven days to D-Day, seven coloured clothes, seven proposals by Priya’s suitor…what else did they expect?